


flares

by catbeans



Series: sometimes there are consequences to physically traumatic events [6]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Chronic Illness, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 09:15:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12956094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbeans/pseuds/catbeans
Summary: Han had been waiting for it.However careful he was--however many missions he reluctantly, bitterly sat out on when it would be too cold or the weather was too inconsistent to safely tell ahead of time--he knew there was always the chance he wouldn't be able to avoid a flare, or it would come on unexpectedly with no reason he could find, and there would be nothing he could do but wait for it to stop.It felt like it was all he did, waiting for a flare and then waiting for it to end and then waiting for the next one to hit.





	flares

**Author's Note:**

> self indulgent fluff..who could have guessed

Han had been waiting for it.

However careful he was--however many missions he reluctantly, bitterly sat out on when it would be too cold or the weather was too inconsistent to safely tell ahead of time--he knew there was always the chance he wouldn't be able to avoid a flare, or it would come on unexpectedly with no reason he could find, and there would be nothing he could do but wait for it to stop.

It felt like it was all he did, waiting for a flare and then waiting for it to end and then waiting for the next one to hit.

It didn't help that the bag of electrodes and the sensor that the doctor had given him at the last follow-up still sat on a shelf in his bunk in the Falcon, reminding him every time he saw it, impossible not to think about the fact that whatever he did, inevitably, there would be another flare, and he would need to use it.

There had only been two, but it was already two too many.

Their next base was cold--better than Hoth, but that didn't say much--and Han was ready to crawl out of his skin after a week of being stuck inside, any outside duties relegated to someone else, Leia and Luke always finding an excuse to keep him out of the barely-heated hangar.

He could tell Luke knew he would rather sleep in the Falcon; he didn't say anything about Han leaving his clothes around their room on base or leaving the bed unmade, brought in Han's favorite sweaters and a few blankets to try to make the mostly empty room and the standard-issue bedding a little less impersonal, but Han didn't miss when he brought the electrodes with him, too.

“Why'd you bring that in?” he asked, frowning at where Luke had tried to subtly tuck it behind his clothes.

Luke's shoulders went stiff for a second before he turned around to face him. “Just in case you need it.”

“You think I'm gonna?”

He couldn't read the look on Luke's face when he said, “I don't know,” quietly passing Han to get to the bed, fiddling with the already perfectly flat blankets. “I figured it would save some time if you did.”

There was nothing Han could think to say to that.

It didn't get any easier; he knew the insufferable helplessness at not being able to rely on his own body and brain was his own to deal with, and he knew Luke was doing the right thing by being as proactive and careful about it as he could, but the fact that he  _ needed _ to made Han bristle whenever he was forced to think about it.

Every time it came up, he just wanted to disappear, had to fight back the impulse to push Luke away so he didn't have to see the concern that still felt like pity, even when he consciously knew that it wasn't.

That night, with Luke against his back, his arms still snug around Han's waist even in sleep, he couldn't stop looking at the shelf where Luke had put the electrodes.

He couldn't stop looking the next night, either, or another few nights after that, and Han almost started to wish that a flare would come along just so he could get it over with and get rid of the thing.

When the power went out another few days later, the backup generators switching on and leaving the lights dimmed, most of the energy going to the radars and communication lines, Han’s heart sank to his shoes.

They had to keep the heat on low.

With the growing possibility that another flare  _ would _ come along, he started wishing for anything other than that.

A couple days later, with the base still running on backup generators, he realized that wish wasn't going to come true.

He didn't notice it at first; he woke up feeling stiff and achy, his head feeling like it was stuffed with cotton, but he had had plenty of mornings like that, pulling the blankets over his head while Luke got dressed until dragging him out of bed at the last minute.

He only realized what it was when it didn't get any better, two cups of caf into trying to wake up before he realized it wasn't going to.

There were rings around the lights that looked dimmer than they should be when he shakily put the mug down on the table.

“Luke.”

He didn't look up from his breakfast yet. “Mm?”

“We gotta go.”

“What--?” Luke cut himself off when he looked up, glancing down at Han's hand shaking around the mug, immediately standing up and pulling Han out of his chair.

It felt like his legs were barely holding him as Luke led him out and through the crowded hallways, his grip tight on Han's arm, and it sounded distant and dull when Luke started talking into his com.

“I'm not going to be able to make the--I  _ know _ there's the briefing later, you can just tell me--” He paused for a few seconds, and then a little more quietly, “I need to stay with Han for the next day or so.”

_ You don't, _ he wanted to say, but the words weren't coming, and before Han could try to put them together, Luke finished the call and stuffed the com back into his pocket.

Luke had to hold him up when he stumbled around a corner, his vision blurring until the uniformly white walls were almost indistinguishable from the floor, and he wouldn't have been able to tell when they made it to their room without Luke stopping to open the door.

Luke pulled him over to the bed, turning around to get the electrodes from the shelf, but Han already had dropped down with his face mashed into the pillow.

“No, Han--” 

He groaned when Luke hauled him upright, nudging him back so he could lean against the wall.

He couldn't see anything but vague splotches, barely able to tell Luke's hair from his face when he opened the bag with the electrodes.

“I have to put these on,” he said, peeling the plastic from one of them and holding Han’s hair out of the way to stick it to his temple. “And then you can lie down.”

Han didn't realize how much he was shivering until Luke had to press it down hard with his fingertips, the pressure ricocheting uncomfortably through his head, pounding around his skull when Luke put on the second one.

“Can you turn around?”

Han stiffly turned until Luke could reach the back of his head, leaning his forehead against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut.

He couldn't help wincing at how cold the electrodes were when Luke stuck them to the base of his skull. He felt a tug on the wires before he heard a soft beep, Luke's hand at his shoulder to pull him back around to face him.

“Here,” he said, tucking the box he had attached the wires to into Han's jacket pocket. “I need you to tell me if it feels like one of them is falling off.” He paused, and when Han didn't respond, “Okay?”

Han nodded and rubbed the heel of his palm over his eyes.

The vague shape of Luke's head and torso disappeared from the edge of the bed to pull Han’s boots off, his hands too shaky to even think about doing it himself. The blankets were still crumpled at the bottom of the bed where Han had left them earlier, and he lay back down as soon as his shoes were off, curling up towards the wall while Luke pulled the blankets back up.

The crackle of Luke's com connecting again itched at the inside of Han’s skull.

“Do you know if there are any space heaters--could you bring one down if you do?” Luke's voice sounded far away. “Thanks.”

It didn't feel much warmer under the blankets, the sheets and the pillowcase cool against Han’s skin.

“Can I get in?”

Han nodded, grimacing at the way it tugged on the wire at the back of his head.

He heard the  _ thump-thump _ of Luke putting his shoes by the door before the blankets lifted. Luke got in behind him, shuffling closer until his chest was to Han’s back, wrapping his arms tight around Han’s waist; Han couldn't keep down a soft, relieved sound when Luke nuzzled into the back of Han’s neck, holding him tighter when he felt how much Han was shivering.

Luke's face was so  _ warm. _

Part of him wanted to be angry; he didn't want Luke to have to take off until the flare ended when there was always so much work to do, didn't want to think about how when it  _ did _ end, it wouldn't even really be over, he would still have to send the scans back to the doctor and he would still have to wait for the next one, but he didn't have it in him to care.

His body felt too heavy, that sickeningly familiar feeling like his bones had turned to lead, and however much he didn't want to be, he had never felt as thankful for anything as he did for Luke staying with him.

He didn't realize he was biting the inside of his lip to keep his teeth from chattering until he tasted copper.

“Are you warming up at all?”

Han shook his head.

“I think…” Luke said, pulling the blankets up over their heads. “Get undressed.”

“Buy me a drink first,” Han grumbled.

“I'm serious,” Luke said, scooting back and pulling Han to lie flat. “These aren't doing you any favors.”

His whole body felt distant and numb like it had fallen asleep, fumbling uselessly for the box in his pocket before Luke took it out and helped him out of his jacket.

It took a minute for Luke to get Han’s pants off without lowering the blankets, stripping down to a thin shirt and his underwear before tossing their clothes away. He nudged Han onto his side, shuffling to his back again, and Han could feel his body heat through his shirt this time when Luke wound his arms around him.

“Like old times, huh?” Luke said quietly, kissing the back of Han's head and hooking their legs together.

Han huffed a laugh and held Luke's hands close to his chest.

He still couldn't stop shivering, like the cold was coming from his bones and nothing from the outside could do anything about it, but Luke was so warm against his back, the blankets slowly heating up with their shared body heat, and if all it could do was take the edge off, he would take what he could get.

 

It was hard to tell when he was awake and when he wasn't; his vision had blurred from gray to black, no different than if Luke had turned the lights off, the fog in his head too thick for anything to feel fully real.

He once realized he had fallen asleep when Luke wasn't there anymore, his heartbeat spiking before he heard a soft, “Thanks,” before the door slid shut.

Luke's side of the bed was still warm when he got back under the blankets a few seconds later.

“Leia found a heater,” he said quietly, kissing between the electrodes at the back of Han's head. “It’ll take a minute to warm up, but--”

“Thank you,” Han mumbled, pulling Luke's hand up to kiss his knuckles.

“Let me know if there's anything else.”

Han nodded.

The only way he could tell he was dreaming what felt like just a split second later was that he could see.

He only got a flash of the inside of the carbon freeze chamber before his vision went white, the jets hissing around him before everything went dark again.

It stayed that way for what felt like an eternity.

He could only tell that he wasn't dreaming anymore when he felt Luke shaking his shoulder, his eyes snapping open to the same thick black as when they were closed.

“Han--”

His chest ached, his throat too tight to do anything but hyperventilate.

_ “Han.” _

He managed a shaky nod, stuffing his face into the pillow.

“I have to put one of the electrodes back on.”

Luke lightly touched the back of his head for him to turn, rubbing the electrode down until it stuck again.

He lay back down, pulling Han close to his chest, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck before he asked, “Are you alright?”

Han nodded again.

His head felt too fuzzy to lie out loud.

He felt Luke's sigh against the back of his neck before he moved his hand up to Han’s chest, gently pressing down on his sternum.

“You need to breathe.”

Han grit his teeth, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth a few times until it finally started to slow down.

He could feel Luke doing it again; he didn't always, only when it was bad, when Han’s heart rate wouldn’t slow on its own. It crept light and warm through his chest, like Luke was reaching in to reset his heart from its shaky, uneven rhythm back to a steady beat.

He had only mentioned it once, the first time he had done it, during that last flare when it felt like someone had scrubbed at the inside of Han’s head with sandpaper.

Luke never waited for Han to ask for it; he didn't think he would have been able to.

Luke waited until Han’s heartbeat slowed back down, almost moving his hand from Han’s chest before Han reached up to link their fingers together.

When he fell asleep again, he couldn't tell, and he didn't dream.

 

He felt clammy and frozen at the same time when he woke up to Luke shifting against his back.

He groaned and scooted towards the wall, his shirt rubbing uncomfortably against his skin with Luke pressed up against him.

It felt like the cold coming from his bones was fighting with the heater and the blankets and Luke, still shivering when he pushed the blankets down to try to cool the tingly itch from his skin.

“Han--?”

“That thing’s on too high,” he mumbled, wrapping his arms tight around himself.

“It’s not,” Luke said, propping himself up on his elbow and pulling the blankets back up. “You need to stay warm.”

Han huffed, pushing the box with the wires under the pillow so he could roll over to face Luke.

He still couldn't see him.

Luke brushed his hair back to keep from startling him before he held the backs of his fingers to Han’s forehead.

“You don't feel hot,” he said, shifting his hand down to cup Han’s jaw, rubbing his thumb along Han’s cheekbone. “Did this happen last time?”

Han was about to shake his head before he frowned, turning his head into the pillow with a groan. “Yeah,” he grumbled. “It’s not the heater.”

The smooth skin of Luke's prosthetic was the only touch that didn't sting; it still ached, somehow, his skin tender and oversensitive like a bad sunburn, each thread in his shirt scratching like steel wool.

“What can I do?”

Han shrugged, wincing at the way it dragged the fabric of his shirt over his shoulder. “Everything just stings.”

He could hear the frown in Luke's soft, “Oh,” before he sat up, the blankets slipping down around his waist. “How are the sheets?”

“I don't--” Han paused, rubbing the back of his hand over the pillowcase. “They're okay.”

“Take your shirt off,” Luke suggested. “I think the sheets have a higher thread count.”

Han snorted and shifted onto his back to pull his shirt up; he could see where the ceiling lights were, gray spots in the rest of the black.

He winced again as he pulled it off, the fabric dragging over his back before he chucked it away.

“Is that any better?” Luke asked, the mattress dipping when he lay back down, pulling the blankets up with him.

Han nodded, blindly fumbling for Luke's hand until Luke linked their fingers together. “Startin’ to think you're just trying to get me naked.”

Luke huffed a laugh and shuffled a little closer, waiting for Han to close the gap before leaning his head on Han's shoulder, their arms wedged between them. “Those wires sticking out of your head get me  _ going.” _

Han grinned and tilted his head for Luke to lean up and kiss him.

Luke broke away after a few seconds, pulling the blankets up a little higher.

“Stop looking at the lights.”

Han groaned and rubbed his hand over his face. “What’s it matter?”

“You can still damage your eyes,” Luke said, pressing a kiss to Han's shoulder. “That's not where the problem is.”

Han huffed and tried to stifle a shiver, tugging the blankets up over his head to ignore the impulse to look at the ceiling. “How long’s it been?”

“It’s pretty late,” Luke said. “You've been out most of today.”

Han groaned again. If it had been long enough that he could start to see, even a little, he had gotten through the worst of it, but the electrodes had started to itch, only exacerbating the fidgety, antsy feeling from being stuck inside for so long.

The fact that he still couldn't do anything with no sight and the ache all over his body, worse whenever he moved, didn't help.

“This is bullshit,” he mumbled.

He felt Luke take a deep breath, quiet for a few seconds before he said, “I know.”

Han’s breath caught in his throat; he had never really talked about it with Luke, wasn't sure he even knew how, but something about the simple acknowledgement that it  _ was _ bullshit opened the floodgates he didn't know he'd had.

“Why’d they even use carbon freeze to transport  _ people _ when they didn't know what it would do?” he said. “The things probably wouldn’t still be around if they hadn't been used for so fucking long. No one needs ‘em anymore.”

“I don't know,” Luke said quietly, holding his arm a little tighter around Han’s waist.

“Like, they couldn't just stick me in a cell or something like some normal fuckers, they had to go make a damn show of it and now they're dead and I still have to put up with this for, what, forever? Just gonna be half useless for the rest of my life?”

He felt Luke go stiff, and for a second, he was glad that he couldn't see the look on his face.

“It’s  _ bullshit.” _

“It’s bullshit,” Luke agreed. “I'm--” He paused, absently trailing his fingertips over Han's ribs. “You're not half useless.”

Han grit his teeth, his throat tight; he hadn't meant to say any of it.

“I can’t use a normal blaster anymore,” Luke added when Han didn't respond. “It makes my prosthetic stop working. If I lost my lightsaber again and didn't have a special grip, it wouldn’t make me half useless just because I’d only have the use of half of my hands.”

“You got powers,” Han mumbled. “And a left hand.”

“And you could have shot Lando when you were aiming for the Sarlacc,” Luke said. “But you didn't.”

Han pulled in a deep breath against the tightness in his chest. “You never told me about your hand.”

“Because it didn't come up,” Luke said. “Because I can work around it. You can work around this.”

Han shifted onto his side, holding the wires out of the way with a grimace. Luke kept his arm tight around Han's waist, moving his other hand up to link their fingers together between their chests.

“I don't want to have to,” he said eventually. “Just--people were using carbon freeze for  _ years, _ so many of them--” He paused, biting the inside of his cheek. “They got all those people to study and still can’t fix it. One of these isn't gonna do anything.”

Luke was quiet for a minute, holding onto Han’s hand like a vice. “I know.”

He could feel Luke looking at him, prickling at the hairs at the back of his neck.

“I'm going to take the scans to that doctor,” Luke said suddenly. “Both of us are.”

“She just said to--”

“We can take a couple days,” Luke interrupted. “It’s warm there.”

“You've got work to do,” Han said quietly.

“It can wait.”

Han’s eyes stung as he lifted Luke's hand to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“It’ll be fun,” Luke said, shifting forward to kiss him. “And I’ll drop off the scanner, you don't have to go.”

Han huffed a laugh and pulled Luke closer, hooking their legs together. “Can’t fuckin’ stand that place.”

“Understandably,” Luke said, and Han could feel him smiling when he kissed him again.

Luke didn't pull away, and Han didn't either; it had started off soft and chaste, edging closer to needy before Han had time to notice, his hips twitching forward against Luke's without him meaning to.

Han bit back a soft sound when Luke pulled back.

“You need to rest,” he said quietly, giving Han’s hand a quick squeeze, his prosthetic shifting up to Han's hip.

“All I've been doing today,” Han mumbled, bringing his free hand up to Luke's jaw to kiss him again without missing.

Luke didn't break the kiss right away, leaning into Han's hand once he did. “Are you feeling any better than this morning?”

Han shrugged. “It’s getting there.” 

“If you can stay put,” Luke murmured, leaning in close enough Han could feel his lips moving, and he couldn't hold back a startled whine when Luke moved his hand from Han's hip to palm at his dick through his underwear. “I think we could sort something out.”

Before Han could kiss him again, Luke nudged him flat on his back, tugging the blankets back up over them before reaching into Han's boxers. He shuffled close against Han's side, kissing along his neck as he got him hard, the synthetic skin of his prosthetic sliding smoothly over his dick.

Han choked back another whine when Luke gently bit down, his teeth dragging lightly over Han's skin before he sucked a mark over the tender spot.

His whole body already felt over sensitive and tingly, and it wasn't long before he was fully hard, Luke moving his hand gradually faster until he leaned up to kiss Han.

“Hold the blankets so they don't slip,” he whispered.

Han did as he said, and before he could ask why, Luke scooted down towards the foot of the bed.

Han’s grip tightened where he was holding the blankets by his head when Luke spread his legs a little wider to settle between them, shivering from more than the persistent chill when Luke kissed along the crease of his thigh.

Han wished he could  _ see _ him, couldn't think of anything he liked more than the way Luke looked whenever he did this, his hair messily framing the flush over his cheeks, his lips pink and damp; there was still something about not being able to that made him buzz, no way to tell what Luke was about to do before he did it.

Han groaned when Luke suddenly took him into his mouth, slowly sucking him down a few inches before coming back up to drag his tongue over the tip.

He had to lift the blankets to let in more air when he gasped, Luke dipping back down until Han could feel himself at the back of Luke's throat. He pulled off for a second, mouthing at the base of Han's dick while he caught his breath.

Han hadn't been able to see him shift to a better angle before he ducked down again, couldn't expect it when Luke relaxed his throat to keep bobbing lower.

Han’s free hand trembled as he brought it down to Luke's hair, his fingers twitching when Luke swallowed and pushed himself further down.

He wouldn't have been able to disobey Luke telling him to stay still if he tried, the flare leaving his whole body feeling like lead; he still had to bite back a whine when Luke held his arm over Han’s waist, keeping him from being able to even twitch up into his mouth.

He didn't see when Luke moved his free hand up, either, and he couldn't hold back a moan when Luke palmed at his balls, hollowing his cheeks as he pulled back up to breathe through his nose without taking his mouth off of Han.

The thick, staticky ache in his head that hadn't left since that morning started to fade, just taking the edge off; Han couldn't help wondering if Luke was doing that himself before any coherent thought disappeared when Luke bobbed his head, lower and lower each time until Han could feel the tip of his nose against his pelvis.

Luke held himself there for a few seconds, his throat tightening on a stifled cough before he slowly lifted up again, sucking him back down with a hum that made Han’s legs shake.

Han had to drop his hand from Luke's hair, gripping at the sheets when Luke shifted his hand up to hold around the base of his dick. He started dipping down and back up again faster, matching the rhythm with his hand to cover what he couldn't easily fit in his mouth, and Han almost let the blankets slip when Luke laved over the head of his dick before ducking back down until his lips met his fingers.

His hand shook as he moved to cup the back of Luke's head, tangling his fingers in his hair again when he gasped, “Babe--”

Luke hummed again, pulling up for a split second for a deep breath, pumping his hand over Han's dick before ducking back down. Han’s head dropped back to the pillow with a groan, his fingers twitching in Luke's hair as Luke kept bobbing his head, not letting up for a second. 

Han didn't have it in him to try to hold it off when he could tell he was about to come, and Luke didn't seem like he wanted him to; he ducked down as far as he could go, twisting his wrist to keep pumping over the base of Han’s dick. He had to press Han’s hips down when he shakily arched up to Luke's mouth, his voice cracking on a moan as Luke swallowed him down.

He didn't pull up right away, lazily mouthing over Han’s dick until he went soft, tugging at Luke's hair with a whine when it started to be too much.

He could hear Luke breathing heavily when he finally pulled off before shuffling back up to Han. Luke leaned in to kiss him before Han could say anything, so tender and soft it seemed almost out of place with the faint salty taste on his lips.

Han had to hold the wires out of the way to turn onto his side, pulling Luke against him with a hand at the small of his back. He couldn't help smiling at the soft, needy sound he made when Han shifted his hand to his ass with a quick squeeze before moving between his thighs.

“I told you to stay put,” he murmured, rocking against Han’s fingers.

“I'm staying,” Han said, bending his wrist to circle his thumb over Luke's clit, but he barely got his fingertips damp before Luke batted his hand away to replace it with his own.

Luke's breath hitched when he kissed him again, moving his natural hand up to Han’s hair so he wouldn’t break the kiss when Luke rolled onto his back. Han shuffled closer against his side, bringing his hand down to cover Luke's before dipping a little lower, and Luke's head fell back to the pillow with a moan when Han pressed two fingers into him.

He could feel Luke's fingers moving over his clit, bumping his hand on each downstroke as he slowly pumped in and out, moving his hand a little faster when Luke started rocking against his fingers. His whole body still felt too weighed down and distant for fine motor control, too much to do much more than keep Luke full, ducking down to mouth at his neck.

Luke whimpered, his fingers tightening in Han’s hair like he couldn't decide if he wanted to pull or hold him there, tilting his head back with a stuttered groan when Han dragged his teeth over the curve of his shoulder.

“When I can see again,” Han mumbled, sucking at that same spot until he could feel Luke's thighs shaking around his hand, “I'm returning the favor.”

Luke groaned, trailing off into a soft,  _ “Oh, _ fuck,” when Han pulled his hand back to add his ring finger with the first two.

“Gotta get some use out of having a real bed, huh?” he whispered, nipping at a sensitive spot below Luke's jaw.

Luke's chin almost knocked his nose on a shaky nod, and Han could feel him circling faster over his clit, sporadically clenching up around Han’s fingers.

“I'd be eating you out right now if you let me,” Han continued, grinning to himself when Luke whined and shuddered against him.

“Don't tempt me,” he panted, his fingers starting to shake whenever they bumped the side of Han’s hand. “You are an  _ awful _ patient--”

His sentence cut off with a moan, his hips twitching against Han’s hand. All Han wanted to do was get his mouth on Luke's clit, but he settled for mouthing at the curve of his neck, biting down just before Luke started to shake.

Han didn't pull his hand back until he felt Luke's go still. He wiped his fingers dry on the sheets between them, kissing along Luke's neck while he caught his breath before he turned onto his side to pull Han into a kiss.

Han didn't realize the blankets had slipped until Luke broke away to pull them back up, pulling Han to his chest. Luke was so  _ warm, _ he couldn't help nuzzling into his neck, looping his arm tight around Luke’s waist, and just before he fell asleep, he realized the chill in his bones had become a little less bitter.

 

He woke up to an itch at the back of his head, moving his hand up to scratch at it before he heard, “Stop messing.”

Han grunted and dropped his hand back to the bed, trying not to finch at Luke pressing the electrode down, his prosthetic still chilly compared to the rest of his skin.

He didn't bother opening his eyes right away, pressing his face into the curve of Luke's shoulder; feeling barely conscious didn't turn out to be enough to properly fall asleep again, and he rolled onto his back with a sigh, rubbing his knuckles against his forehead.

When he finally opened his eyes, he had to squint.

“Fucking finally,” he mumbled, fumbling for the blankets to pull them back up to his chin.

“Better?”

Han’s breath caught in his throat for a second when he turned his head towards Luke.

He couldn't see him clearly, just the vague shape of his face, his hair just dark enough compared to his skin to tell the difference, faint splotches from where the overhead lights left a shadow around his nose.

“Better,” he said.

He wished he could have told for sure if Luke had smiled before leaning in to kiss him.

“You should eat something,” he said, pulling away a minute later. “You didn't even finish breakfast yesterday.”

_ “Yesterday?” _

“It’s early,” Luke said. “If I go now I should beat the breakfast rush.”

Han groaned and pulled Luke tight against him.

“I won’t be long,” he said, bringing his hand up to toy with Han’s hair. “You really need some food, that can’t be helping.”

Han groaned again, long and over-dramatic before reluctantly rolling onto his back so Luke could get up.

“Don't make me come looking for you.”

“I won’t,” Luke said, and Han could hear the smile in his voice before he leaned down to kiss Han’s cheek. “And you better not.”

Han couldn't help staring just because he  _ could _ as Luke looked around for his clothes, grabbing Han’s jacket when his own was out of reach.

“I’ll be right back,” Luke said, giving Han’s hand a quick squeeze before heading towards the door.

The room felt too big without Luke in it with him.

Han had to hold the electrodes at the back of his head down to turn onto his side without tugging at them, pulling the blankets up over his head with a small gap around his eyes.

He held his hand out above him, squinting to see the shadow of it against the wall, blurry and hard to make out, but it was  _ there. _

It only took a few seconds before his hand felt like it was weighed down with lead, dropping it back to the bed with a frustrated grunt.

The headache was back, but the fog had cleared from his thoughts, leaving him anxious and fidgety without the energy to get up and do anything about it.

Picking at a loose thread on the blanket that he still couldn't see could only occupy anyone for so long.

He had almost started to entertain the idea of actually leaving to go look for Luke when the door slid open.

“Sorry I wasn't back sooner,” Luke said, and Han could smell the bread he was holding when the mattress dipped. “I remembered you had trouble with food last time and had to find one of those drinks.”

Han hummed and turned over to face him. “Those are so gross, I love you.”

He could see the white of Luke's teeth when he smiled, handing Han the bottle before standing up to strip back down to his underwear.

Han huffed when he had to hold the wires out of the way to sit up, pulling the blankets up to his chest once Luke got in next to him.

“How's your head doing?” he asked, muffled around a mouthful of sandwich.

Han shrugged and rubbed at his forehead. “It’s doing.”

“Would it be better without the lights?”

Han’s hand froze for a second over the lid of the bottle.

“Hang on,” Luke said, walking over to the corner of the room; Han heard a  _ click _ before he went to turn the overhead lights off, the softer light from the lamp still enough to see shapes without making his head pound.

Han hooked his arm around Luke's waist when he got back into bed, pulling him in to kiss the side of his head. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

Han gulped down half the bottle in one go, grimacing at the thick, slimy feeling of it going down his throat; it was still less nauseating than even the thought of having to eat real food.

Luke took the bottle when Han tried to lean over him to put it down on the floor, holding the box with the wires up to scoot back under the blankets while Luke finished eating. He pressed his face into the soft warmth of Luke's hip, leaning into his hand with a hum when Luke reached down to play with his hair.

His hands felt a little less shaky by the time Luke was done.

Waiting for the flare to end had felt like finding a light at the end of a tunnel that only got farther away the closer he tried to get, desperate and hopeless, somehow even worse as his eyesight started to return with the knowledge that it would be over soon but with no way to know exactly  _ when; _ it didn't feel so heavy anymore knowing that he would be able to leave base with Luke afterwards, excitement replacing the irritating fact he couldn't seem to ignore, that it would still be just as cold when he got as much better as he would be able to get.

Luke shuffled back down next to him, pulling Han close to his chest, his arms warm and snug around Han’s shoulders. Han could just make out the bump of his Adam’s apple if he squinted, could feel Luke's breath hitch under his fingertips when he reached up to touch it.

“Were you serious about taking a couple days off?”

He shivered at Luke's hand sliding up his back and up to his hair. “Wouldn't have said we would otherwise.”

Han hummed and leaned into his hand, pressing kisses along his neck. “Good.”

Luke was quiet for a minute, rubbing his fingertips in slow circles over Han’s scalp before jostling him with a short laugh.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

Han tilted his head a little higher to kiss at a ticklish spot below Luke's jaw until he was squirming.  _ “What?” _

“Do you think,” Luke started, pausing for a second to catch his breath once Han stopped and leaned his head on Luke's shoulder. “Do you think sucking you off earlier will show up on the brain scan?”

Han groaned and dragged his hand over his face. “Don't make me think about that.”

Luke laughed again, pulling Han’s hand back to kiss his knuckles. “You did seem to be feeling a little better after,” he said jokingly, linking their fingers together. “This could be a major breakthrough.”

“Shut up,” Han said, barely able to stop laughing long enough to lean up and kiss him. “You're the one seducing patients.”

“I did not--”

Han could feel him grinning when he kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> @hansolosbi dot tumblor


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